Stupid Headlines of the Week

I'm not sure which headline is more shocking (or stupid).

• Paris is on a Sex Ban (The Sun)
  
  Everyone's favorite hotel heiress-turned sex video star-turned newfound pop "singer" has placed herself on a one-year sex ban. Apparently she feels the need to "rediscover" herself while the rest of us wishes she'd discover that she needs to take a swan dive off the balcony of the nearest Hilton hotel. Paris. Pavement. Paris falls. Paris lands on pavement. Paris a pancake. Yum.
  
  The "stars are blind," but the ears wish they were deaf.
  
• Man who resembles Jordan sues MJ, Nike for $832M (Kgw.com)
  
  

Is this man serious? I thought I've seen it all.

This bus driver from Portland, Ore. is suing the greatest basketball player of all time. Not for negligence. Not for physical harm or trauma. Not for copyright infringement.

This genius is suing Michael Jordan because people mistake him for the basketball star. He's "accused" of looking like Jordan and it makes him "uncomfortable." According to the story, the gentleman is suing Jordan for "defamation and permanent injury and emotional pain and suffering." Yeah, I bet he's suffering. How does being mistaken for a celebrity translate to a lawsuit worth over $800 million? Dude, are you crazy or just a gold digger?

The judge is going to have a good laugh with this one.