Famewhore-itis: The Epidemic

We’ve all heard of the Hollywood phrase “A-List.” Celebrities belong on the A-List if they’re guaranteed moneymaking stars. Think Tom Hanks, Justin Timberlake, and Madonna. Lest you think this has anything to do with talent, think again. You’ll find Britney Spears and Paris Hilton on this list as well.

Then there are the B-List stars who are famous, but not quite household names. You might find more talent on this list, but nonetheless, you got your Nicole Richies and Mischa Bartons. This list often features the Hollywood “It” Girl—often a fleeting title—á la Lindsay Lohan. These individuals are typically “stars of the moment” who may or may not make it to the A List.

Comedian Kathy Griffith popularized a new list for has-beens with her show, Life on the D-List. This list often includes the likes of Beverly Hills, 90210 and Saved by the Bell alums (e.g., Tori Spelling and Mario Lopez) or anyone who has or will be appearing on ABC’s hit dance show, Dancing With the Stars. (Notice the irony in the show's title.)

I can go even further by naming people to the F-List, which includes former celebrities who still consider themselves celebrities despite not having done anything significant since the ‘80s or ‘90s. In fact, most of these washed-up stars have appeared on VH1’s The Surreal Life. Vanilla Ice anybody?

But it’s not the has-been celebrities that I’m concerned with here. MC Hammer was cool back in the day. Hello, shiny parachute pants? He made a crapload of money from his hip-hop career and pissed it all away until he was bankrupt. He was foolish, but God bless him, he was huge (fame-wise).

It’s the wannabes that are becoming a problem. Throughout Hollywood, a new virus is spreading faster than Paris Hilton’s legs, and it’s not Syphilis. It’s what I like to call “famewhore-itis.” You’re a famewhore if you have no talent, yet you use celebrities, typically A- and B-List, to get your name and face in the tabloids. (Or you appeared on MTV’s Laguna Beach and clearly have nothing else going for you in life aside from boozing it up at high-profile Hollywood clubs.)

The biggest carriers of said disease? Britney’s white trash counterpart, Kevin Federline, and Nick Lachey’s bed-mate of the moment, Vanessa Minnillo of Entertainment Tonight and MTV’s TRL. You may have noticed I’m not exactly a fan of Ms. Minnillo-ho, as evidenced in a previous blog entry. I’m still not a fan.

These people love the attention. While Britney cries to Matt Lauer about being pursued by the paparazzi, K-Fed poses for the paps in his ghetto-fabulous wifebeaters, sideways caps, and denim manpris while toking on a cigarette. While Lachey prefers to remain coy about his personal life, Miss Minnillo-ho desperately makes plays for his affection in public (e.g., chin-stroking, lap dances, etc.)

But who are K-Fed and Minnillo? Since when are they celebrities? Have I been wrong all these years for believing celebrities are individuals who possess talent and are nationally and/or internationally recognized for it? Why are a former backup dancer and a former Miss Teen USA winner all over the tabloids? (And why is MTV hiring former beauty pageant queens and Laguna Beach has-beens as VJ’s? That’s an entirely different blog entry for another day.)

Simply because they’re famous by association. Society has extended the term “celebrity” to encompass friends, family members, and significant others. If you’re publicly seen canoodling with Jessica Simpson, we want to know who you are. Even if you’re a nobody. Because once you’re identified, you instantly become a somebody.

While I was in college, I was fortunate enough to meet and interview Theo and Danny from MTV’s Real World (Chicago and New Orleans seasons, respectively). I asked them how they feel when people treat them as celebrities.

“It just says a lot about the way the term ‘celebrity’ is being viewed in America now,” Danny said. “It's totally changed in the past few years. It's gone from being something that's used to describe people with talent. Celebrity has gotten really cheapened now. It's just about being seen—ultimately about being seen and known. It means nothing and it's cheapened what celebrity is.”

Theo echoed similar sentiments.

“I'm sure some [celebrities] who might take it as a slap in the face would say, ‘You mean this kid can just do this show and he's now automatically a celebrity? I've worked my butt off for these many years and they're calling him a celebrity and me a celebrity?’” he said. “I don't consider myself one. I never will, unless something really big happens. Until then, I'm just a kid who did a show. You people watched it. That's it.” (Source: Binghamton University’s Pipe Dream)

If only Miss Minnillo would heed those thoughts. Instead, she is loving the limelight. When she's not interviewing the real stars for MTV or ET, she's attending movie premieres and Hollywood parties and enjoying all the celebrity perks (e.g., free gifts, designer clothing, VIP access, etc.). She didn’t get the notoriety or the public affection from New York Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter, so she’s using Nick Lachey to work her way up the list. She doesn’t pout, but rather poses for the paparazzi. Jessica made Nick famous. Now Nick is making Vanessa famous. What’s there not to be happy about?

What’s worse is when wannabe celebrities attempt to parlay their celeb relationships into actual careers. Take Federline, for instance. His wife, Britney Spears, is one of the biggest pop stars in the world. What better way to launch a rap career since everyone knows who you are by association? But who’s going to take this man seriously as a rapper? He’s Mr. Britney Spears. He looks like Vanilla Ice. Oh yeah, and he’s awful, too.

It’s utter madness, people. We, as citizens and media consumers, need to take action. If you see them on the street, tell them to get a real job! No more reality TV programs! No more tabloids! Stop giving these famewhores the attention they crave!