Fitness Etiquette: Yes, There is Such a Thing

You may recall a previous blog entry about cell phone etiquette. If not, please refresh your memory, as a similar rant is about to take place.

Nothing is more satisfying than a fantastically sweaty workout at the gym. (Well, a slice of pizza or a jumbo chocolate chunk cookie from Dunkin Donuts could rival that.) After running three miles and doing 500 stomach crunches, you feel like a new person, perhaps a pound or two lighter.

In fact, the hardest thing about the gym is getting there.

But nothing can ruin a good workout more than a lousy sports club experience. People, in general, are rude. This isn’t an epiphany; it’s simply fact. People only care about themselves, and it would behoove anyone to exercise (pun intended) some manners. In fact, recent events have inspired me to compile a list of the top five things (in no particular order) that aggravate me most when going to the gym.

1. Cell Phone Use – I don’t know about your gym, but at mine there are signs posted on the walls that explicitly prohibit cell phone use, specifically on the cardio equipment. But of course there are always those special individuals who choose to ignore these signs and proceed to chat away on their Motorola Razrs on the treadmill next to me. No matter how loud I turn up the volume on my iPod, I can still hear your conversation. It’s distracting when I’m struggling to complete a 3-mile run. I shouldn’t have to deafen myself with my music in the process. I’m fully aware that few individuals can do without talking for more than four or five minutes. But if you’re feeling this unrelenting need to exercise your vocal cords rather than your legs, step off of the treadmill and go outside. You’re bothering me.
   
2. Equipment Hogs – I’ll be the first to admit that I hog the treadmill. I’m usually on the thing for a good 60 minutes, plus a 5-minute cool down. But there are about twenty treadmills; there aren’t twenty bicep curl machines. Usually if one of my preferred machines is in use, I’ll go use another one and return later But I get extremely irritated when I have one more machine left before going home and three meatheads are hogging it for 30 minutes. I spend about three to five minutes on any given weight machine. God forbid they let me cut in. There is also the case of the gym sloth—the guy who sits on the bench for a good 10 minutes before attempting a rep. The clock is ticking a lot faster than you are, buddy.
   
3. Water Fountain Hoverers – Like many people, I choose to bring a bottle of Poland Springs to the gym. And usually after I finish it, I’m still dehydrated after a good run and I need to fill it up. Hardly unusual, no? Apparently the meatheads who prefer tap water are a teensy bit impatient They think that my water bottle will miraculously fill up more quickly if they give me only a foot of breathing room. How about backing it up a few more feet before I dump my water on your fat head. If I must wait a half an hour before you’re done hogging the chest press, you can afford to wait a few extra seconds before I’m done getting my water.
   
4. Locker Room Peep Show – While I’m not a prude, I can honestly do without seeing bare breasts, butts, or any other body parts—no matter how hot one’s body is. Some people have few qualms about strutting around in the nude as if the locker room was their private bedroom. I’m not interested in your hippy views of the beautiful nude body and how we should be proud and all that crap. If you were that proud of your body, you wouldn’t be at the gym. Cover up thy naughty bits with a towel, for goodness sake. I’m not interested in a free peep show.
   
5. Uncleanliness – It’s only common courtesy to wipe down a machine after sweating on it for 30 minutes. Yet most people could care less about their germs mingling with that of other people’s. Grossness. Maybe it’s a bit OCD of me, but I make sure to wipe down every machine before and after use. It’s too often that I see some guy perspiring profusely all over the elliptical for about 45 minutes and then walking away without spraying the machine with some cleaning fluid. Then I cringe when I see some cute teenage girl get on said elliptical—covered in dried-up sweat—about five minutes later. I feel so icky just observing. Yuck. Wipe down the machines, people. It takes not even a minute. You can certainly afford the time.